Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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