At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
where does the pee come out of this thing
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
