Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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