I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
