I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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