Sponge bath it is.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
