i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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