So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
