Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
