Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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