Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
