I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize