Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
