Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
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She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
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I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back