Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
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I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
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After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.