I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.