my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.