I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
