when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
