the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
