I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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