she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
