I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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