Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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