Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
