I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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