no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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