so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
