What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
