this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
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I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
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Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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