I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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