That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
third nipple confirmed
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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