At least make sure they are 18
Why
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
