I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dignity is for republicans.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
