I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
