apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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