fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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