We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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