I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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