4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
