you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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