I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
