"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize