So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
