Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
