is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
