cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
