First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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