We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
