hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize