Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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