When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
