i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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