So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
