I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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