last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
