I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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