its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
