I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize