My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
