Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
