Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
