shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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