Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
